Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
