if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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