I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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