Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
