Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
