things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
