Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My balls are so social today.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
