Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
