At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
