i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
