There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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