Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
