Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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