I'm going to jail i love you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize