He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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