We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
