hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
