the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
