my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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