There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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