Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
