as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They took my balls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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