She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
