You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
