remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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