Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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