It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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