Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
