I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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