I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
