You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is classic penis vs brain.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So vagazzling was a success
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
