I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
