I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
