i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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