I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
