If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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