You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
