someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
