Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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