yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
