i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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