I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
