he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
