and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
