yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My ass is underappreciated
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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