Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
