She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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