One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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