my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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