We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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