Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
