I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
