No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
