Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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