i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
