Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
