Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
