I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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