You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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