Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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