Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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