Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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