I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
