it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize