My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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