conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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