wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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