dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
