ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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