I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
