so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Randomize
