hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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