I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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