Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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