Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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