I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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