Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
