Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize