theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
