i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
