Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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