I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
