Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
