i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
