cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
