I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so let's talk penis.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
