wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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