so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize